| currently |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|02:20 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Yeah Yeah Yeahs – "Soft Shock" | ] |
unknown
talk to unknown
ever
lasts forever
well it's a sharp shock
to your soft side
summer moon
catch your shut eye
in your room
in my room
in your room
in my room
louder
lips speak louder
better
back together
still it's a sharp shock
to your soft side
summer moon
catch your shut eye
in my room
in your room
in my room
in your room
what's the time, what's the day, you're gonna leave me?
what's the time, what's the place, you're gonna leave me?
what's the time, what's the day, you're gonna leave me?
what's the time, what's the place, you're gonna leave me out?
leave me out
leave me out
leave me out |
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| fuck |
[Jan. 31st, 2009|12:58 am] |
THERE IS A FREAKY GHOST MOANING NOISE in the middle of the song "Bills Bills Bills," by Destiny's Child, such that whenever I am dancing and lipsyncing to that song all alone in a 15th Century palace where a girl was once raped by her father, IT FREAKS ME THE FUCK OUT.
I swear to god. If you don't believe me, download that song and go to 2:28. It's there and it's fucking creepy.
That is all. |
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| brake part II |
[Dec. 31st, 2008|02:59 am] |
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As Facebook would have it, if you do not state who you are "interested in" (and you are male), you are definitely gay. If you are interested in both men and women, you are straight. I am basing this off of the ad content I've received under both arrangements.
This break has been pretty much amazing. I just feel really fulfilled and happy with every single part of my life. I'm content. New questions about relationship prospects are forming. I'm beginning to have a different idea about who is really right for me. Not anything big, but the point is it makes me feel like I'm really moving on.
Guess I'm going to wrap this up and take advantage of the fact that I'm actually tired enough to fall asleep right now. At 2:30 I guess that shouldn't really be something to celebrate, but I've been having a lot of trouble falling asleep lately, yet having to wake up early for work.
I have this crazy idea for a sci-fi-ish novel that I want to pursue. But will I? This remains to be seen. If I trap myself in a hole and don't engage in any social activity while in Italy (which may well be the case), I might be able to do it. Also, what the hell do I know about writing? Or sci-fi for that matter? Not much. It'll probably end up not being that sci-fi-ish even if it's set in the future. Probably more like 1984, since that's what I know. But there's a 90% chance this will never come to fruition, so who knows.
This break has been full of kareoke. Here are the songs I've sang (the ones I remember) in order. Most of them were with people. Solo songs will be noted.
- Jive Talkin' – Bee Gees
- Golden Years – Bowie
- I Am Woman – Helen Reddy (solo)
- Where My Girls At – 311 (I think?)
- Little Bunny Foo Foo (seemed like a good idea at the time... in retrospect, definitely not)
- Michael Jackson Medley
- Unpretty – TLC (solo)
- Wannabe – Spice Girls
- Hand In My Pocket – Alanis Morisette
- Nasty – Janet Jackson
- Lose Yourself – Eminem (not my choice)
- Love Is A Battlefield – Pat Benetar
- Let Me Blow Ya Mind – Eve
- What Have You Done For Me Lately – Janet (solo)
- American Boy – Estelle/Kanye
- I know there was one that me and Sav did but I forget!
- Golden Years again
And the honorary song for all three evenings in which kareokeing took place was "You Need Another Drink" by the late Disco D. It goes like this:
You need another drink — whachu think?
A brotha gonna do is go outside
And smoke a BLUNT in the car and then come back
And get some love in the club when it's hot
You need another drink... (etc)
And with that I am out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 19th, 2008|05:30 am] |
There is not really anything for me in Farmington Hills anymore. I'm aware that this should not come as a revelation, and it isn't, I guess it's just the extent to which it's true that I'm commenting on. The people and events that connected me to this place are too far off now. The ones that remain are few and disparate and are themselves not connected (my friends).
In an effort to find some new music to listen to, my dad emailed a bunch of his friends asking them to list their top 10 favorite albums. I did one too. ( Here it is if you're interested. )
I can't seem to fall asleep. Damn you, RISD. Damn you.
I am now relentlessly excited to live in Rome.
Fuck winter in Michigan. I have become such a pussy. Not prepared for this at all.
A lot of things about living at home are an adjustment, more so this time than other times. I bet it has to do with the length of time I've been away (perhaps the longest ever) and the degree of self-sufficiency I had achieved living off campus this semester. These things include: certain parts of the house being really freaking cold (my room at the apt was the warmest, whereas here it is among the coldest), not having to pay for food or worry so much about wasting it, having it be completely quiet when I go to bed, the water pressure in our shower (which is unparalleled in its amazingness), having a garbage disposal and a dishwasher, eating dinner at 5:30 or 6:00, not having to dry my clothes twice after I wash them. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2008|04:55 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Model 500 – "The Chase" | ] |
This is going to be one hell of a week. Really I shouldn't have been so lazy this break. It was hard for me to stay focused, since I had so much going on mentally, but you know what? I haven't been this motivated in a long time. I'm going to fucking attack this week head on and I'm going to win, damnit. This was one hell of a semester and I'm going to end it with a bang.
I can't wait for break so I can go home and take pictures of Detroit (assuming Detroit is still there when I get back). I can't wait to go to Italy, I can't wait to intern in New York, I can't wait for my final year at RISD, and I can't wait to graduate. No matter what happens.
In other news Detroit techno is great. I'm glad I decided to write about it for Computers and Music, because I learned a lot in the process of researching. I suppose that's the point of researching isn't it? I want to have a party in an abandoned warehouse somewhere and revive this music.
I love and miss you all. |
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| "It's always darkest just before the dawn." |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|05:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | N.O.I.A – "True Love (Sexual Version)" | ] |
I think the dawn is finally upon me. Not all at once, but it's starting.
I confronted this douchebag who I really liked who treated me like shit last year. In doing this I declared that I have a right to feel the way I do about it and should not be ashamed, rather, he should be ashamed of having done that. End of story. I also got him to acknowledge that he indeed has something to hide, while at the same time giving concrete evidence that I have nothing to hide. Feels fantastic.
I'm starting to really buckle down and focus on my work when I want to. The thing that sucked about the whole situation I briefly described above is that it prevented me from putting my full concentration on anything else. That is no longer the case. I pulled an all nighter Thursday night doing three Color assignments, all of which I'm proud of and were well received. Now my map project is also going to kick ass.
Also, freelance business is booming despite the financial meltdown. I'm having work thrown at me left and right, which, if I can push it all until January, means I might actually be able to afford EHP. I talked to this Computer Science grad student at Brown who has an idea for a web-based startup and needs a designer. He probably won't pay much given the massive size of the project, but is willing to offer me a stake in the company, whatever that could mean. It'd be a gamble where I wouldn't really have much to lose. I'd still get some cash out of it, and I've managed to convince him that I'm the best (or at least most knowlegable) web designer he'll be able to find at RISD despite my lack of web portfolio. The only issue is whether he's willing to wait until January to start.
Things I perceive as overwhelming forces plunging the country/world in the wrong direction no longer make me fearful. It's kind of hard to explain this, but seeing the big picture of what's going on in the world tends to affect me personally in big ways. I'm not just talking about what you might first think of: politics, the election, etc. More than that. Just the way our culture is changing. I feel pretty optimistic about it overall, which may not make much sense given the current climate. Somehow I'm just relieved that things are coming to light and being handled. The economic crisis has been something I've been pretty much aware of for a while, but it disturbed me that no one seemed to be talking about it, we just kept on pushing it further. That would legitimately stress me out a year ago. The fact that people know something is wrong makes me feel better. Instead of writing in Ron Paul like I had originally planned, I cast my vote for Obama last week. I was prepared to show my disdain for the two party system and how alike they both are, but I think this is actually the first time in a while where that doesn't apply. Indeed, the GOP in particular needs to be shot down as hard as posssible, and the most effective way to do that is to vote for the opponent. Also, maybe the fact that Obama understands that there's something wrong is enough. McCain pretends to, but clearly does not. I could go into it more, but I know this has been done to death and we all know who already won. It'll just make me excited to see him win by a really huge margin and know that I am part of it. I hope it is really huge. Out of a long period of division, the period in which I grew up, comes unity. Kind of cool.
In January I'm going to Rome for six months, then after that I'll hopefully live in New York for the summer, then I will do my best to savor my final year at RISD. My life is starting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|02:47 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Black Box – "I Don't Know Anybody Else" | ] |
I don't know why I never took full advantage of Pandora before but it's amazing. It gave me a starting point to explore the genres of funk and Italo-disco, which are both fantastic. I've been fucking around with it all day instead of doing homework. It made me realize...
There's so much out there that I've yet to discover. I can already tell that this is going to be a year of discovery. I'm going to really live up to my full potential this year and not let anything OR ANYONE get in my way. It's a great feeling.
( This is what I wrote a few days ago. )
There have been some good Providence anecdotes happening to me lately. I love living in a real city. Here are a couple:
On Friday after Color class I went to Quiznos for some dinner. All of a sudden an old woman who was sitting alone at a table in front of me pipes up in my general direction and says, "I saw it on TV and I said, 'you know I think I'll try it!'"
So I decided that if all that poor old woman wants is a conversation I can help her out. "It's your first time here? Yeah it's one of my favorites."
"I ordered the meatball but I only finished half so I think I'll take the rest home with me."
A few seconds later she goes up to the counter and I hear her say to the cashier, "I ordered the meatball but I only finished half so I think I'll take the rest home with me." So they put it in a bag for her and she is on her way. She too walks with a cane.
Then on Thursday I am riding my bike back from Computers and Music and get turned around a little and end up on a street I've never been down. I see a restaurant and must have been going past slowly, a man sitting there calls out to me. I have no idea he works there. He asks if I work around here. I say I go to school here, RISD, but I'm on the way back from a class at Brown. So he presents his pizza special, which has been freshly made. It is cheap, so I say ok, and he sits down with me outside. The pizza is generic and lame and probably frozen, but it's completely ok because a) it was cheap and b) the guy is ranting to me about how it's getting hard to make a living these days and everyone's losing their jobs but the presidential candidates? Selfish, they don't give a shit, they just want to be president. I tell him I am from Michigan. He charges me $4 for two slices of (crappy) pizza and a drink without tax and urges me to take a menu and come back. I think maybe I will, but not for pizza.
I'm super excited about my project for Making Meaning. It may indeed be my favorite graphic design project thusfar. We're doing an op-ed illustration, which could include but is not limited to a political cartoon. I'm doing one about how Democrats and Republicans are mostly the same, but they create false distinctions to give the illusion of choice and to propel the idea that electing them will change things. I have five ideas that Lucy and my small group all thought worked well. Really I should have worked on that shit today, but it's ok because I was still productive in other ways. I made lots of progress in getting my room organized finally and am pretty close to having it done. I can probably finish tomorrow. Also I worked on David Sprague's website, which is close to being "all the way live" (did I mention how much I am loving the funk right now?).
When everything is finally set up I will take pictures of my apartment and room (and maybe even my studio when I set that up) to show everyone. I have more to say but I'm tired. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 14th, 2008|01:30 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Inner City – "Power of Passion" | ] |
Everything right now is good. |
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| yay for things |
[Sep. 12th, 2008|12:28 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hercules and Love Affair – "You Belong" | ] |
I made so much meaning today it was ridiculous.
Yay for getting a prime studio space on the same floor as my six credit studio (which is called Making Meaning).
Yay for getting an unexpected final payment from Salon Awesome.
Yay for Cafe Choklad and nostalgia from first semester freshman foundations.
Yay for bike riding.
Yay for Providence.
Yay for Computers and Music.
Yay for meeting new people and yay for them introducing themselves to me so I don't have to.
Yay for Brown kids sometimes, except when they're broish Asians who sit right behind me despite there being an abundance of seats talking about some FIFA related video game, flat screen TVs, and other various bullshit.
Yay for living on Benefit street.
Yay for being 90% over the events of last year, such that I only really think about it when I'm bored in lecture, instead of all the time.
Yay for Lucy Hitchcock.
Yay for feeling deserved in getting sushi for dinner.
Yay for today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2008|02:50 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Crosby, Stills & Nash – "Helplessly Hoping" | ] |
This past week has had its ups and downs, but I'm going to do something different and update Livejournal when I'm in a really good mood. Mostly it's been great, amid a few miscellaneous periods of loneliness. I moved in on Wednesday and am in love with my new apartment and roommates. Alexandra and Lindsay are really fun to live with. The place was a bit of a shithole when I got here, but it's been fulfilling getting it back in shape. My dad helped me by doing a bunch of cleaning on Wednesday and Alexandra has been painting. Now all we need is some furniture.
I'm really excited about my Computers and Music class at Brown. I can't wait to start learning about the history of electronic music, theory, acousics, and more importantly how to use the software to create it. I anticipate all my classes being great this time around.
More later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|05:23 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hercules and Love Affair – "Easy" | ] |
It's chilly today and cold weather makes me feel different.
I really want there to be discos again like there were in the 70s. I blame Hercules and Love Affair, whose disco-influenced dance music I have been obsessed with the past few days. I'm always very nostalgic about the music I used to like, which explains why I have TLC's Fanmail album on my computer among other such bullshit. One of the phazes I had skipped over though is in fourth grade when I got one of those Pure Disco albums they had been selling on TV and had this 70s disco phaze for a while. Then I got the Pure Funk album. I was such a weird kid, especially that year. Though I guess I was pretty weird in fifth grade too. That year for Halloween I dressed up as a disco person. I had womens' platform shoes. Granted the shit on those albums was definitely not representative of the best of disco and funk, but I think it's time I go back and get into that stuff. I just downloaded Donna Summer's "I Feel Love," which was one of the more revolutionary disco tracks, and I love it.
But like I was saying, the cold weather and the disco-ey music affects my disposition somehow. I feel empowered, more like I'm over everything that happened at the end of last year. What I want more than ever right now is to just create, which I think is such a healthier place to be because it's a desire I can actually satsify on my own without the help of other people, who, quite frankly have not been helpful lately in some areas. I have been dying for years to try my hand at making electronic music, which I might get to do by means of a class at Brown. I'm really digging the freelance website I'm currently working on. I kind of thought this is something I'd end up finshing without being truly satisfied with the design, but I decided to take another stab at it and now I actually am. Making a bright red background work is difficult.
Tomorrow I can walk. Hurrah! I have too much I want to do between tomorrow and the end of summer.
Pretend I posted this earlier, like when I wrote it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2008|02:08 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Hercules and Love Affair – "Iris" | ] |
she carries news, travels by rainbow
bearer of peace with a message for all
today you'll dance
you'll share each other
elders will stumble
the babies will crawl
put down your weapons
put down your chosen ones
put on your best clothes
stand straight and tall
don't give up on your desire
i can understand your thirst
put another one before you
help someone else first
today is a day for someone else
today is a day for someone else
today is a day for someone else
this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else
she carries news, travels by rainbow
bearer of peace with a message for all
today you'll dance
you'll share each other
elders will stumble
the babies will crawl
put down your weapons
put down your chosen ones
put on your best clothes
stand straight and tall
don't give up on your desire
i can understand your thirst
put another one before you
help someone else first
today is a day for someone else
today is a day for someone else
today is a day for someone else
this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else
this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else
(put down your weapons)
(put down your chosen ones)
this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else
(leave expectations)
(at the door)
(you are your brother)
(you are your sister)
this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else
(communication)
(start giving more)
(don't stop believing)
(continue to give praise)
this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else
(your exaltation)
(is a good thing)
(just take those teachings)
(the ones of light)
this moment is yours and you can give it to someone else
(of celebration)
(and start to sing) |
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| career justification |
[Jul. 31st, 2008|02:25 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Real McCoy – "Love and Devotion" | ] |
Some people hate the Internet because they think it is dehumanizing, discouraging more meaningful communication and face-to-face contact. This is a common epidemic at RISD. I highly disagree. The whole reason I want to work in web design is because I have always believed in the Internet as a means of facilitating communication. It is what you make it, and it has amazing potential to connect us in very relevant and meaningful ways. It's done a lot for me already. In middle school I developed more meaningful relationships through AIM. As an awkward 13-15-year-old it was actually the best way.
What if you never lost contact with any of the people who had once been important to you? I recently posted a series of "old ass photos" on Facebook. To me it was the coolest thing ever to have people I had once been close with, having gone in a million different directions, all coming together to comment and share memories. Yes, it's corny, but these are people who are so far from each other and myself, physically and mentally, and I know that each one of them got pure amusement and enjoyment out of this. That is what I want to do. Make that happen. Posting those photos reminded me.
There are a few people at RISD, insecure with the fact that they've followed the crowd by having a Facebook (among other things), who delete theirs every so often, only to bring it back within a month before it gets deleted permanently. I know them because they were in my section first semester. Actually one of them deleted it without bringing it back, which makes me sad. They don't see its potential. I don't believe, as many do, that the fact that we can check in on each others' profiles discourages us from actually talking. Chances are we wouldn't have talked to them anyway. And if people would just grow a pair and stop worrying about being "creepy" and reach out to people, Facebook makes it a whole lot easier. So I'm in favor. I hope they can keep it going without fucking it up.
It'll be fun when I get to the point where I'm not just building sites to help companies make money, but until then it's good practice, and it gets me through school. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2008|12:55 am] |
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It's things like my last post that make me excited to go back to school, though in many ways I dread it. Also things like this, which remind me how uber trendy RISD is. The first guy was in my Chester Himes class. He was cool. Most of the others I have seen around somewhere. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|11:45 pm] |
Sometimes I just get tired of being nice. I'd rather just laugh at people openly and tell them how much they suck. I get tired of being responsible. I'd like to just hang out in a big group and get drunk and be reckless and tell everyone the honest truth about everything. I've been an adult my whole life in a way and now that I'm finally supposed to be one I'm tired of it.
But most of the time I'm content, and I think, "If I'm going to be an adult, this is the way to do it."
Having my own place will make it better. Being able to walk will make it better. I'll be able to control when I'm responsible and when I'm not. I really wish I had my own place in Detroit, so I could throw fun parties with all my awesome friends here.
As soon as I have my own place, which I will be sharing with a semi-goth roommate and her boyfriend, I vow to sit in my darkened apartment listening to This Mortal Coil's It'll End in Tears album and stare into the middle distance while eating a famous bowl from KFC. So that'll be cool. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|11:52 pm] |
My theory on why everything sucks:
Me: and i'm leaving you for a long while
Neetu: i KNOW
Me: the next time we see each other will be very uncertain
Me: and every time i think about going back to that place i get upset
Me: because everyone there is full of crap
Me: or it seems that way
Neetu: i doubt thats the case
Me: eh
Me: perhaps not
Me: but finding people who are not is a task
Me: unlike grade school
Neetu: mhmm
Me: when a fantastic group of people who weren't full of crap just fell into my lap all at once in seventh grade
Me: and then just kept appearing out of thin air through high school
Neetu: its because i'm awesome
Neetu: and i spread the awesome to the rest of the world
Me: ha
Me: it must be that
Me: it can't be because i'm awesome
Neetu: nope
Me: because i'm not spreading the awesome through providence very well
Neetu: no they're just super unawesome so it takes a while
Me: i'd like to think that i do spread awesome
Me: maybe it's just that you and me are basically the only people spreading awesome
Me: and the people we spread it to spread awesome in turn
Neetu: basically
Me: and so very little awesome has had a chance to reach the coasts
Me: perhaps that is my task, stay there long enough to spread awesome throughout the land
Me: you should settle on the west coast so the whole country is full of awesome
Neetu: haha
Neetu: i'm thinking i want to go out to seattle maybe
Me: ah yes, that's true
Me: so the south will be the least awesome area in the end
Me: i'm going to tennessee tomorrow though so that will somewhat alleviate the problem
Tennesse, Greene family: make me happy. I know that you will. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|06:33 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vampire Weekend – "One (Blake's Got A New Face)" | ] |
Here it is, 5 AM again and I am up. And I thought for sure I would get to sleep at a reasonable hour this time. Last night I couldn't fall asleep until 7 AM, then I slept until 2. I did everything I could. Took a whole pain pill when I've been trying to get off it and only take it in halves. And I was ridiculously tired around midnight when I got home from my uncle's house. But yet here I am. Being really tired and unable to sleep is the worst. Getting angry about it won't help any, so I'm going to write in here instead.
So yeah, had a Parent family barbeque tonight, which was nice because it got me out of the house and I got to catch up with Kelly and everyone else. I'm spending a whole lot of time with my family this summer, mainly out of circumstance in not having any independence, but still, I guess it's good. Since high school I've definitely pushed away from them. I may be going up north next weekend, which I am totally looking forward to because I miss those times up there so much. It was so simple and so fun. Then the weekend after that I am definitely going down to Tennessee to finally see the Greene side of the family again, with my grandpa, dad, and uncle. I only wish I had gotten to see it back when the family farm was in use and it was literally all farmland for miles. Now it's all built up into an actual town, so much so that a girl I talked to who lived in Manchester where Bonnaroo is located (on the other side of the state) actually knew where Paris, Tennessee was. Sad.
Let me also just state for the record that I have not had an f key for weeks now and it totally blows. Makes me mess up my Vectorform password half the time.
Scratching the inside of my cast with a ruler is amazing. It's so wrong, but it feels so right.
I had goals for when I was to be lying around all day with my foot in a cast this summer, and I'm proud of myself for actually doing them, despite having very little energy most of the time and being unable to sleep. I'm really happy with the way my website is coming along. It's nice to realize that my RISD graphic design education has actually helped me out a lot even in web design, which on the surface seems like a completely seperate discipline from any print media we've done. And in many ways it is—when it comes to information hierarchy it's completely different. BUT my type choices are a little better now, despite the limited nature of web typography. Fuck that though, I have decided I am very much in favor of sIFR and plan to use it. Also I can't believe I ever designed websites without using any kind of grid. When I look at gallery sites such as CSS Clip, although they are very useful as inspiration because a lot of the imagery (illustration) is very good, when it comes to design I feel like I could take those sites down in a lot of ways. So it makes me optimistic that this will turn out good.
Also I bought the supplies for making my own sketchbook the other day. Yay! Now all I have to do is actually make it...
Sleep? I really fucking hope so. |
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| bitches and browsers |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|05:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vampire Weekend – "M79" | ] |
I am in a browser conundrum. I have always used Safari at home (for various reasons I use Firefox at work). Between Safari and Firefox, Safari was always noticably faster and I preferred the leaner interface. One of the advantages to Firefox though is the developer toolbar, which I need more than ever right now. Firefox 3 just came out and I downloaded it for the purpose of having it around to use the developer toolbar if needed, plus it's useful in the event that a website is retarded and doesn't support Safari. (This has only actually happened to me once—with the FAFSA website, sadly enough. Note that this is a government website, where you'd think accessibility would be a top priority when actually government websites are pretty much the worst ever.) But then del.icio.us informed me that there was a new Firefox plugin, which I downloaded and fell in love with, to the point that I actually decided to switch to using Firefox full time. I love having del.icio.us integrated into my browser. The way I switch computers nowadays it's infinitely more useful to store my bookmarks there instead of locally. Tried to find something similar for Safari, to no avail. So Firefox it is.
The problem is I really dislike Firefox's interface. It's way too rounded and excessive. Safari with its brushed metal and simple buttons looks very Maclike, while Firefox just doesn't. Apparently you can give it different "themes" (barf, how Windows) and I was excited that there are some that try and mimic Safari, but it's just not good enough to fool me, and it makes the developer toolbar look like shit. There was one really good one, but it didn't support Firefox 3. I was able to get over the interface sucking, but now I notice that the text rendering is far inferior to Safari. Text on Safari is much more crisp and clear. So now I'm really wanting to switch back. I think it's worth paying the $10 for the Safari plugin that attempts to integrate del.icio.us, so we'll see how that works. It looks like it might not be as nice as the Firefox version though.
Had surgery a week ago today. Went pretty much alright. Stayed in the hospital until Friday and have been home since then. Pain is getting better. It's gotten slightly worse since they changed the cast yesterday. The morning after the surgery I experienced the worst pain of my entire life. I was crying uncontrollably and could barely breathe. And nurses can all suck my dick. That would honestly make them so much more useful. Their only answer was more and more and more morphine, then some muscle relaxant (which only helps with muscle spasms), then 9000 other narcotic pain meds, none of which did a damned thing for the foot, but all of which affected my brain greatly. I am trying very hard amid the pain and fucked up mental disposition to express this. An hour later, my dad, who works at the hospital, happened to come up to check on me, saw me writhing in pain and got the anesthesia team to come up and numb the leg again, which is what the nurses were supposed to do when it wore off. I had been completely fine up until then, even right after the surgery, because they had injected local anesthetic into my leg to keep it numb.
But yeah. Since then it was mostly smooth sailing amid a series of other nurse related stupidity. One time I called one in to tell her the catheter injecting pain medication into my leg (not the numbing agent) had come loose and was leaking. And she couldn't wrap her mind around that possibility and insisted that it was my bag of ice that had leaked. So then in a couple hours I'm having this terrible pain again, which doesn't make sense because I had been doing great all day and they were going to send me home. So I have to get a whole bunch of IV-injected pain med and can't leave until the following day. Then later I obtain more clear-cut evidence that the catheter is in fact leaking— the back of my leg under the tape where the tube goes in was wet and the liquid smelled of medication. It was blindingly obvious. So another nurse comes in, looks at it, then asks if I've been sweating. How can you think that's sweat?? It was the same nurse who offered up a small increase in my morphine dose via a self-administering button as a solution to the most painful experience of my life. What is wrong with these people??
Thankfully they did not give me a customer satisfaction survey. It would not have been pleasant. |
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| good question |
[Jun. 13th, 2008|12:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Vampire Weekend – "Campus" | ] |
How am I supposed to pretend
I never want to see you again? |
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| random non-sequitor thoughts |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|12:34 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | John Fogerty – "Down On The Corner" | ] |
FUCK Coldplay and fuck that damn commercial they do for Apple!
I missed the Daily Show and Colbert Report. So much. Yes, Obama's not the kinda guy you'd see at the Applebee's salad bar, and not only because Applebee's doesn't have a salad bar. And the whole thing about McCain calling his wife a "cunt" and how the fist pound with Obama and his wife is actually a terrorist greeting. I love it! I was planning on writing in Ron Paul when I vote, but the fact that Obama doesn't enjoy the nonexistant Applebee's salad bar and McCain using the word "cunt" makes me really want to vote for both of them.
Believe it or not though I do other things besides watch TV this summer. I also go to work. It really blows that my surgery is this Tuesday and I won't be able to come into the office again except here and there. I really enjoy being there. There are so many new people, all of whom seem pretty cool. There is beer on Fridays. The work is enjoyable and I get paid 50% more than last year. It's a good scenerio.
Summer is so great. For the most part I feel fantastic. I have spent lots of time outside and riding my bike. I have bouts of dissatisfaction, but hey, that's life. I'm ok with it. Not 100% happy, but at peace. Does that make sense? And that's really all I want. Because by now I don't expect to be happy all my life. Never have been. The only way to be happy is to be ignorant of what else is out there, and it's too late for that and I don't want it anyway.
Hmm so I guess this list didn't turn out so great after all. I know I had more random shit I wanted to say, but it will be saved for another post. Too often I start entries and put off posting them because I want them to be really long. So I'm just going to post this. |
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